I dream, a lot.
Big dreams, small dreams that are over in minutes, funny dreams, in which I've been known to laugh out loud or wake up laughing, small bitty dreams that barely follow on from each other in story but play out one after another, and sometimes very strange dreams that have a hint of what has happened during the day before. I have dreamt whole episodes of what would make a brilliant detective series, with characters, plots and storylines that make complete sense .... if only I were to write it down instead of letting it fade as I lie and contemplate what the preceding hours have shown me.
But no dream has been as unsettling or as immediate as the one I had over the weekend.
I dreamt I died!!
I had taken myself to hospital to the A&E department. I stood and waited my turn to speak to the receptionist. She asked my name, my address, my telephone number and entered the details on her notebook, then she asked me what was wrong. I told her I did not know but that I felt unwell. She pushed for an exact illness and again I told her I couldn't put in to words what was wrong, she said without an 'illness' she couldn't process my form and I would have to leave .....
.... I dropped down dead on my side of her desk.
The next moment I was coming out of my childhood home, running down the front garden path and along the street, it was all exactly as I remembered it. I ran to the corner of the old Co-op butchers and there coming round the corner with an empty lunch box in his hand was Lovely Hubby wearing his favourite stripey T shirt, when he saw me running towards him he opened out his arms and I ran into them.
We hugged, tightly and lovingly and I knew I should not let him go for as long as possible .... for this was the last time we would ever see or feel each other in this world.
I woke with a start, wide awake with every part of the dream imprinted on my very being, I turned over in bed and hugged the man that is my world ... and he hugged me right back.
I always understand completely the point that my dream has made, psychoanalysing myself has always come easily to me thank goodness. I won't share the full meaning behind this one, but I know it, and it's valuable.